The Hot Squad (or how to achieve world peace through the medium of hotness)

And now, in a blatant attempt to get more people reading my not particularly pithy words of whatever by introducing pictures of really hot chicks, I will put forward the crackpot scheme for today. Do we all have our graphite motorcycle helmets ready? With reflective film across the visor? Good, because we here at Crackpot Schemes and Crazy Dreams don't want any of our l three loyal readers using inferior tin foil hats, cos we really care about your brainwaves. Some more than others.

After hearing reports of looting during the recent Queensland floods crisis, it occurred to me that looting is a fairly tempting to a certain percentage of the population, (I'll concede that the percentage neatly matches the percentage of scumbags in a population) it dawned on me that we,as a society, are using entirely the wrong deterrent in our fight against crime. We need to use HOT CHICKS!

The majority of crimes are committed for two basic reasons, the first being that the criminal wants to take something from someone else, the second being that someone is unbelievably pissed off with someone. Sometimes these two basic reasons converge, leaving society with unbelievably pissed off people, who also want to take stuff that probably isn't theirs. Admittedly, this is a highly simplified breakdown of a very complex problem.

Rebuild Brisbane, anyone?

If the police force was supplemented with really hot chicks, in uniforms so skimpy they breach OH&S regulations everywhere, the crime rate would drop. To prove it- take a good look at this picture of Vicky-Lee Valentino.

Now imagine a criminal, holding up a bank, with hostages, and a good, old, Aussie siege mentality. Traditionally, there'd be hours of negotiations, and a sniper hoping to get a clear shot. My Hot Squad could provide an alternative, and here;s how. Observers have long noticed a link between the placement of naked women and the direction of a mans gaze. Men are almost irresistibly drawn to the sight of Hot Chicks, particular;y naked ones. So, here's the proposed scenario: Hot Squad Officer arrives at scene of siege, removes her shirt and proceeds to attract the attention of the hostage holding offender. He either willingly comes out of the building for a better view, or moves closer to the window (again, for a better view), thus allowing the sniper to get a clear view of him and make the shot. (I'm presuming the sniper is desensitized to the Hot Squad, after months of naked training in the Bahamas, leading to a huge upsurge in snipers). Either way, the siege is over, and there'd be oodles of great photo opportunities.

As a deterrent, the Hot Squad would be more effective than traditional policing, if only because more criminal activities are committed by men who, as we already established earlier, really like Hot Chicks, and most likely don't wont to do anything that might displease said Hot Chick.(as evidenced by all those times your boyfriend ignored you for some Hot Chick)

But we don't have to stop there. Who's going to want to fight a war if they're surrounded by hot, naked, beautiful women? No one! Not even terrorists. No one wants to see awesome boobies get damaged. And nor should they.

There is one drawback. Looking that fine doesn't come cheap, and the Hot Squad would be doing the country, and humanity a favour, we're going to have to pay them well, and this will mean a tax hike, but if we call it the booby tax the public backlash will be short-lived, and it will legitimize the gratuitous use of the word boobies!

Please Note- the Hot Chick featured is Vicky-Lee Valentino, a woman of stunning beauty, inside and out. I hope she doesn't mind that I borrowed her photos, but I'm sure you'll all agree that when it comes to Hotness, Vicky-Lee has it in droves. Our security should be in the hands of women like her. And she's the hottest chick I ever met, and I'll add that she's friendly, down to earth and intelligent. And that name was Vicky-Lee Valentino. Spell it right.